Hash Hymnal

WARNING: This page is extremely NSFW, and probably offensive to most non-Hashers.

The songs here are purely a reflection of the irreverent sense of HUMOR common to Hashers, and under no circumstances should they be taken seriously or literally.

There are thousands of Hash Songs out there, but the following is an abbreviated list of some of the most popular at FUCH3. Use this page to learn the words and sing them to your family at your next holiday dinner. At the very end is a massive songbook you may find interesting if you're a weirdo.

DOWN-DOWN SONGS

Amazing Cock

Battle Hymn of the Hasher

Down Down Down Your Beer

Glorious, Victorious (Beer, Beer, Beer...)

God Bless My Underpants

Goo Goo Goo (Coming Out My Backdoor)

He Ought to be Publicly Pissed on

Her Left Tit

Here's to ______

Here's to Brother Hasher

He's the Meanest

His One Skin

Hit That, Get the Clap

Hot Vagina

If Your Boyfriend Tastes Like Shit

If Your Girlfriend Tastes Like Shit

I Get Drunk in Weird Places

Illinois Hash Loyalty

My Pussy is Heaven on Earth

No Blow Song

Pissanya

Put Your Left Leg Over My Shoulder

Shitty Trail

Short Hymn

Soldier Song

Someone's in My Sister's Vagina

Take it in Your Hand Mrs. Murphy

There was a Little Bird

The Tired Hasher

They Say You were the Fastest

They're the Kind of Hasher

This is Your Down-Down Song

Twenty Toes

Twinkle Twinkle Little Hasher

U-G-L-Y

Walking Down Canal Street

We've Got Virgins

What a Wank

Why are We Waiting

Whip it Out at the Ball Game

Yank My Doodle

You're Number One

You're Stupid

Your Mother is a Monkey

Your Mother's Used Dildo

LONG SONGS

And the Hairs! (Mayor of Bayswater's Daughter)

Chicago

Jesus Can't Go Hashing

Yogi Bear Song

MANY OTHER HASH SONGS

DOWN-DOWN SONGS

Amazing Cock

Melody - Amazing GraceCredit: Dick Jacker

Amazing cock, so thick and long

That rammed an ass like mine.

I cannot sit; my asshole’s split.

Behold my wrecked behind. {moon the accused}

Battle Hymn of the Hasher

Melody - Battle Hymn of the Republic

His eyes have seen the horror of the steepness of the trail,

His ears have heard the whining of the whinging Hashers’ tale,

His lips have felt the passing of this nation's finest ale,

This Hasher's done it all!

Glory, Glory, Ale, and Lager!

Drink it down, down, down, down, down!

Variant for Hashers who foolishly wear new shoes:

His feet will feel the dampness of the clean footwear he's worn,

His soul will sense the shame and wish that he had not been born,

All of him will suffer pain like shiggy's sharpest thorn,

This Hasher's worn new shoes!

Birthday Song

Melody - Happy Birthday to You

Hashy birthday, fuck you!

Hashy birthday, you asshole!

Hashy birthday, fuck you!

Can I Get an O?

Melody - Chant

Can I get an O!? (O!)

Can I get an R!? (R!)

Can I get a G!? (G!)

Can I get a Y!? (Y!)

What’s that spell!? (Orgy!)

What’s that take!? (Teamwork!)

Dead Dog Rover

Melody - I'm Looking Over a Four Leaf CloverGenerally sung to hashers that bring dogs on trail.

I'm looking over,

My dead dog Rover,

That I overran with the mower.

One leg is missing,

The other is gone,

The third leg is shredded,

All over the lawn.

You see there's no use explaining,

The one remaining,

It's spinning on the carport floor.

I'm looking over,

My dead dog Rover,

That I overran, that I overran,

That I overran with the mower!

Dos, a Beer

Melody - Do-Re-Mi

Dos, a beer, a Mexican beer

Ray, the guy who buys me beer

Me, the guy, he buys beer for

Far, a long-long way to run

So, I think I’ll have a beer

La, la la la la la la

Tea, no thanks I’ll have a beer

And that brings us back to Dos, dos, dos, dos…

Dose of Clap

Melody - He’s Got the Whole World in His Hands

{starts clapping the beat}

He’s got a dose of clap on his dick,

And all it does is go drip, drip, drip.

Down-Down Ditty

Melody - Itself

Put it to your lips

Give the Mug a tip

Don’t just take a sip

Drink it down, down, down . . .

Down Down Down Your Beer

Melody - Row Row Row Your Boat

Down, down, down your beer,

To pay for your crime.

Quit complaining about the taste,

There's no cum this time.

D.U.I.

Melody - Jingle Bells

Suckin’ down a beer,

Feelin' pretty loose,

Just killed off a fifth,

We're running out of booze.

I got Grandma’s keys,

Let’s go for a ride,

What fun it is to get so stinkin' drunk that you can't drive!

Oh! DUI, DUI!

Life is just a game.

Oh what fun it is to drive in someone else’s lane.

Oh! DUI, DUI!

Throw up on the dash.

We'd go to the liquor store but we ain't got no cash!

El Camino

Melody - Itself

El Camino! El El Camino!

The front is like a car,

And the back is like a truck.

The front is where you drive,

And the back is where you..

El Camino! El El Camino!

Felt Like a Woman

Melody - She’s Always a Woman - Billy Joel

She’s got the best tonguework that you’ve ever seen;

She licks both your balls till they’re shiny and clean;

Her pink little pussy’s as tight as can be;

It may be the cat, but it felt like a woman to me.

Finger in Your Beer

Melody - Itself

How would, you like, my finger in your ear?

Not fucking likely! Not fucking likely! Not fucking likely!

How would, you like, my finger in your rear?

Not fucking likely! Not fucking likely! Not fucking likely!

How would, you like, my finger in your beer?

Not fucking likely! Not fucking likely! Not fucking likely!

Note: You are encouraged to try to stick your finger in said places belonging to the accused.

Fuck a Duck

Melody - Row Row Row Your Boat

Fuck, Fuck, Fuck a Duck,

Screw a Kangaroo.

69 a Porcupine,

Orgy at the Zoo!

Glorious, Victorious (Beer, Beer, Beer...)

Melody - Itself

Beer, beer, beer, beer

Drunk last night,

Drunk the night before,

Gonna get drunk tonight,

Like I've never been drunk before,

Cause when I'm drunk I'm as happy as can be,

Cause we're all part of the Hashing family.

Oh the Hashing Family

Is the best family

To ever come over

From Old Germany.

You’ve got your high Hash drunks,

You’ve got your low Hash drunks,

You’ve got your Asian drunks,

And we’re all fucking drunk!

Singing glorious,

Victorious!

Hey!!!

One keg of beer for the four of us.

Singing Glory be to God that there are no more of us,

Cause one of us could drink it all alone.

Damn near, pass the beer, to the rear, of the Hash House!

God Bless My Underpants

Melody - God Bless America

God bless my underpants,

Brand that I like.

Stand inside them,

And ride them,

Between my buns when I run or I bike.

From the waistband,

To the legholes,

To the fly flap,

Wet with piss.

God bless my underpants,

They look like this! {shows underwear)

Goo Goo Goo (Coming Out My Backdoor)

Melody - Lookin’ Out My Back Door by Creedence Clearwater Revival

Just got out of prison,

My asshole still a fizzin,

Dreamin’ bout my friends I left behind in cell block four.

They fucked me in the showers,

It must have been for hours,

Now there's goo goo goo coming out my back door.

Memories of gang bangs,

My asshole getting slammed,

They took a ride deep inside my shoes - doot doo doo.

Sex without permission,

My AIDS is in remission,

Now there’s goo goo goo coming out my back door!

Green Room

Melody - Take Me Out to the BallgameCredit - Dick Jacker

Whip it out in the green room

If you’re Louis C.K.

Your female colleagues are taken aback

You don’t care and you give it a whack

'Cause it’s beat your meat in the green room

If you don’t have any shame

For it’s one! Two! These stories are true

If you’re Louis C.K.

Harriette Song

Melody - Turkey in the Straw

Well the wiggle of her ass would make a dead man cum,

And the nipples on her tits are the size of my thumb.

She’s a mean motherfucker;

She’s a great cock sucker;

She’s a har-ri-ette!

..and she goes down, down, down...

Hash House Harriers

Melody - Addams Family Theme

Their drinking is compulsive,

Their running is convulsive,

They're morally repulsive,

The Hash House Harriers.

CHORUS:

Da da da da {snap fingers twice}

Da da da da, da da da da, da da da da

Their flatulence is rude and

Their genitals protrude when

They're running in the nude,

The Hash House Harriers.

Da da da da, Down Down, etc . . .

Head Chant

Melody - ChantNever say “head” at a Hash. When a Hasher says “head,” this is chanted by the rest in response (also see the Lips Chant). This frequently comes up while the RA is explaining down-downs to virgins.

Head!? Who said head?

I'll take some of that!

Huuhh! {pelvic thrust}

And I did,

And it was good,

And there was muuuuch rejoicing.

And then we fucked.

We fucked for hours,

Uprooting trees and shrubs and flowers.

We fucked like Vikings, with horns on their head.

Head? Who said head?

I'll take some of that!

Huuhh! {pelvic thrust}

Heineken Schmeineken

Melody - Chant

Heineken Schmeineken!

Fuck that shit!

We want Hamm’s!

Usually it’s “Pabst Blue Ribbon!” but we drink Hamm’s here!

He Ought to be Publicly Pissed on

Melody - My Bonnie Lies Over the Ocean

He ought to be publicly pissed on,

He ought to be publicly shot,

He ought to be tied to a urinal,

And left there to fester and rot!

Her Left Tit

Melody - My Bonnie Lies Over the Ocean

Her left tit hangs down to her belly,

Her right tit hangs down to her knees,

If her left tit exceeded her right tit,

She’d gets lots of weenie from me.

So throw back, throw back,

Throw back them titties for me (for me!)

Throw back, throw back,

Throw back them titties for me!

Here's to ______

Melody - Itself

Here's to ______,

He's true blue,

He's a Hasher,

Through and through,

He's a pisspot,

So they say,

Tried to go to heaven,

But he went the other way!

Here's to Brother Hasher

Melody - Ach, Du Lieber Augustin

Here's to brother [sister] hasher,

Bother hasher, brother hasher,

Here's to brother hasher,

May he chug-a-lug.

He's happy, he's jolly,

He's fucked up by golly,

Here's to brother hasher,

May he chug-a-lug.

So drink motherfucker!

Drink motherfucker!

Here's to brother hasher,

May he chug-a-lug.

He's the Meanest

Melody - Itself

He’s the meanest,

He sucks the horse’s penis,

He’s the meanest,

He’s a horse’s ass.

Ever since he found it, (hey!)

All he does is pound it, (hey!)

He’s the meanest,

He’s a horse’s ass.

Variations: “He’s a race-ist, he sucks the horses’ faces” and “He’s the lamest, he sucks the horse’s anus.”

His One Skin

Melody - My Bonnie Lies Over the Ocean

His one skin hangs down to his two skin,

His two skin hangs down to his three,

His three skin hangs down to his foreskin,

His foreskin hangs down to his knee.

So roll back, roll back,

Roll back his foreskin for me, for me!

Roll back, roll back,

Please roll back his foreskin for me.

Variation: I usually sing this one replacing “his/him” with “my/me.” Songs are always better when they’re about me. Even this one.

Hit That, Get the Clap

Melody - This Old ManCredit - Dick Jacker

If VD is your goal,

Stick it in a hasher's hole.

When you hit that you get the clap,

And blisters on your bone.

Best to beat it off alone.

(Often sung as a long song, swapping out the first 2 lines and singing the rest as a chorus)

Some additional verses:

My whole shaft, it is red

A Harriette just gave me head

Both my balls, they are blue

I wish it was because of you

If you want bloody cum

Put it in a hasher’s bum

If HIV is in your veins

I can turn it into AIDS

If you want herpes too

Take a hasher home with you

That hash orgy was a dud

Now my nipples lactate blood

If your knees are black and blue

You might be a hasher too

My vulva, it is blue

From a hasher’s awful goo

If you like facial art

Eat my asshole while I shart

My whole mouth it is sore

Just ate out a crusty whore

Big orgy at the hash

Now my crotch is one big rash

Both my eyes, full of pus

From your mother’s awful must

Harriettes, they play rough

They hide thumbtacks in their muff

If you like picking scabs

Check below Dick Jacker's abs

My dick hole it drips goo

‘Cause of hashers just like you

Take me home if you choose

But you might start leaking ooze

My asshole’s swollen shut

A hasher stuck it in my butt

Scrub and scrub, back and front

That smell will never leave your cunt

No matter how much you scrub

You won’t forget that hasher’s chub

Hot Vagina

Melody - The Eyes of Texas are Upon You (I’ve Been Working on the Railroad)

Hot vagina for your breakfast,

Hot vagina for your lunch,

Hot vagina for your dinner,

Just munch, munch, munch, munch, munch.

It's so speedy and nutritious,

Bite-size and ready to eat,

So take a tip, go eat your mom;

Hot vagina can't be beat.

If Your Boyfriend Tastes Like Shit

Melody - If You’re Happy and You Know It

If your boyfriend tastes like shit, turn him over.

If your boyfriend tastes like shit, it’s a log, not his dick,

If your boyfriend tastes like shit, turn him over.

If Your Girlfriend Tastes Like Shit

Melody - If You’re Happy and You Know It

If your girlfriend tastes like shit, turn her over.

If your girlfriend tastes like shit, it’s her asshole, not her clit,

If your girlfriend tastes like shit, turn her over.

I Get Drunk in Weird Places

Melody - Friends in Low Places (Garth Brooks)Credit - Heard at Denver H3

I get drunk in weird places

Where the RA shouts and [insert hash name] chases the girls away

But I'll be okay

Well I'm not big on hare chases, think I'll sit on down by these beer cases!

'Cause I get drunk in weird places

Illinois Hash Loyalty

Melody - Illinois Loyalty SongCredit - Triple Snipped Tip

We're drunker than you, illinois

We're ready to screw, illinois

Cause it's after the hash

And we're all out of cash

So we'll give you a rash, illinois

(rah, rah!)

So cradle our balls, illinois

'til we splatter the walls, illinois

It's time for a celebration

Hasty ejaculation

Hand me a towel, illinois

I Love You

Melody - Barney Theme (I Love You)

I love you,

You love me,

We’ll go hashing, wait and see!

With a great big mug,

And a beer from me to you,

First we’ll drink and then we’ll screw!

I'm a Little Hasher

Melody - I’m a Little Teapot

I’m a little hasher, horny and drunk,

Here is her bum and here is my junk

When I get all worked up, I whip it out,

Bend her over, and make her shout!

I'm Gonna Drink

Melody - I’m Gonna Be (500 Miles) - The Proclaimers

And I would drink 500 beers;

And I would drink 500 more;

Just to be the man to drink a thousand beers,

And show up at your bar.

SHOT OF VODKA! (shot of vodka!)

And a rum, and a rum, and a rum, and a rum and coke.

SHOT OF VODKA! (shot of vodka!)

And a rum, and a rum, and a rum, and a rum and coke.

I'm Your Mailman

Melody - Blackbird, Bye Bye

I am happy, I am gay,

I can come twice a day,

I'm your mailman.

Flip your knockers, ring your bell,

I can make you feel swell,

I'm your mailman.

I can come in any kind of weather,

That's because my sack is made of leather.

I don't mess with keys or locks,

I'll just slip it in your box,

I'm your mailman.

Additional verse:

When I'm walking down the road,

I just want to drop my load,

I'm your mailman.

Ask them anywhere I go,

I come in rain or sleet or snow,

I'm your mailman.

Every husband wants what I can give her,

Ask them and they'll tell you I deliver.

Ask the people in your town,

They all say I get around,

I'm your mailman.

Incest Time in Texas

Melody - Yellow Rose of Texas

When it's incest time in Texas,

When there's no cunt to be found,

Your mother's in the bathroom,

With her panties halfway down,

No time for masturbation,

No time to beat your meat,

When it's incest time in Texas,

Mother-fucking can't be beat!

It's a Small Dick

Melody - It’s a Small World

Well it isn't long and it isn't thick.

It gets hard too slow and it cums too quick.

It gets lost in her twat,

But it's all that he's got.

It's a small, small, dick.

It's a small dick after all.

Always limp from alcohol.

It's a small, small, dick!

Lips Chant

Melody - ChantWhen a hasher says “lips,” this is chanted by the rest in response (also see the Head Chant).

Lips!? Who said lips?

You can sit on mine anytime!

And the line starts here! {point to lips}

Love Me Tender

Melody - Love Me Tender

Love me tender, love me sweet

Wrap your lips around my meat

Hold me close and watch me grin

As I dribble down, down, down…

Meet the Hashers

Melody - Flintstones Theme

Hashers, meet the hashers,

We're the biggest drunks in history,

From the town of Champaign,

We're the leaders in debauchery.

Half minds, trailing shiggy through the years,

Watch us as we down a lot of beers,

Down down, down down down down…

My DNA

Melody - YMCA

Young girl, I like it when you go down

I said young girl, won't you kneel on the ground

I said young girl, with your lips full and round

On your knees you make me happy

I wanna spray you with MY DNA

It’s a present from me

A gift to all of the girls

I hope you like to wear pearls

My Favorite Things

Melody - Sound of Music - My Favorite Things

Blow jobs and rubbing and intimate touching,

Pussies and Fucking followed by more sucking,

Handcuffs and dildos; girls tied up in string,

These are a few of my favorite things!

When condoms break,

When my girl's late,

When I itch from crabs,

I simply remember my favorite things,

And then I don't feel so bad!

My Name is Jack

Melody - Itself

My name is Jack (nah-na-nah-na-nah-na-nah),

I’m a necrophiliac (nah-na-nah-na-nah-na-nah),

I fuck dead women (nah-na-nah-na-nah-na-nah),

And fill ‘em full of jism (nah-na-nah-na-nah-na-nah).

I get frustrated (nah-na-nah-na-nah-na-nah),

When they’re cremated (nah-na-nah-na-nah-na-nah),

Try as I must (nah-na-nah-na-nah-na-nah),

I can’t fuck dust!

Alternative:

My name is Zack

I'm a fecalphiliac

I get my snack

From outta your crack

I get frustrated

When you're constipated

I'll give you a clue

I wanna eat your poo!

My Pussy is Heaven on Earth

Melody - Heaven is a Place on EarthCredit - Uncle Jholio, JH3

Ooo baby do you know what I’m worth?

My pussy is heaven on Earth.

They say it’s warm and fuzzy at first,

But pretty soon you’ll be immersed.

Just remember that I cum first!

No Blow Song

Melody - Looney Tunes ThemeSung to named hashers who forget their whistles.

You seem somewhat forgetful,

Remind you maybe this'll,

Next time you come, don't be so dumb,

Just bring your fucking whistle!

Pissanya

Melody - Itself

Pissanya, Pissanya, Pissanya,

In Russian it means “I love you,”

If I had my way, I’d Pissanya all day,

Pissanya, Pissanya, Pissanya.

Shittanya, Shittanya, Shittanya,

In Russian it means “I adore you,”

If I had my way, I’d Shittanya all day,

Shittanya, Shittanya, Shittanya.

Cummanya, Cummanya, Cummanya,

In Russian it means “I need you,”

If I had my way, I’d Cummanya all day,

Cummanya, Cummanya, Cummanya.

Put Your Left Leg Over My Shoulder

Melody - Side by Side

Put your left leg over my shoulder,

Put your right leg over my shoulder

Mmm mmm mmm… {acting out oral sex}

Shitty Trail

Melody - The Mickey Mouse Club SongSung to the hare(s) after their inevitably shitty trail is run.

S-H-I, T-T-Y,

T-R-A-I-L,

Shitty trail, (It sucked!)

Shitty trail, (It fuckin’ sucked!)

The motherfuckers laid a shitty trail,

I would rather [drink more beer]* than run your shitty trail.

S-H-I, T-T-Y,

T-R-A-I-L!

*Can be substituted with any number of horrible acts.

Short Hymn

Melody - Amen

With reverence…

Hymn, hymn,

Fuck him…

Or “Her, her…”

Soldier Song

Melody - Itself

Asshole, asshole, a soldier I will be,

To piss, to piss, two pistols on my knee,

For cunt, for cunt, for country and for queen,

Asshole, asshole, asshole, asshole,

A soldier I will be.

Someone's in My Sister's Vagina

Melody - Someone's in the Kitchen with Dinah

Dinah, won't you blow me,

Dinah, won't you blow my horn?

Dinah, won't you blow me,

Dinah, won't you blow my horn?

Someone's in my sister's vagina,

Someone's in my sister, I know,

Someone's in my sister's vagina,

Humpin' like a dynamo.

Take it in Your Hand Mrs. Murphy

Melody - Itself

Take it in your hand Mrs. Murphy.

It only weighs a quarter of a pound.

It’s got wrinkles on its neck like a turkey,

And spits when you shake it up and down, down, down.

There was a Little Bird

Melody - Itself

There was a little bird,

No bigger than a turd,

A-sittin' on a telephone pole.

He ruffled up his neck,

And shit about a peck,

As he puckered up his little asshole.

Asshole, asshole, asshole, asshole {point at the accused},

He puckered up his little asshole.

The Tired Hasher

Melody - Itsy Bitsy Spider

The tired drunken Hasher,

Went trudging up the hill,

Stopped at the Beer Check,

And there he drank his fill,

And when the trail was over,

His shoes were muddy brown.

Though he was drunk already,

He had to drink it down, down, down, down . . .

They Say You were the Fastest

Melody - Itself

They say you were the fastest;

You won the hash today.

You’re not so fast, you bastard;

You shortcut all the way.

You never even saw the marks;

What will the others say?

They’ll all say your lucky;

But we all know you’re gayyyynotthattheresanythingwrongwiththat.

They're the Kind of Hasher

Melody - Turkey in the StrawCredit - Dick Jacker

They’re the kind of hasher

That we all deplore

Their father was a cock

And their mother was a whore

So we’ll make ‘em drink till they’re puking on the floor

Then we’ll pick ‘em up and make ‘em drink some more.

This is Your Down-Down Song

Melody - Ta-Rah-Rah-Boom Te-Ay

This is your Down-Down song,

It isn't very long. . . .

Drink it down, down, down…

Twenty Toes

Melody - Itself

Here's to the game of twenty toes,

That’s played around the town.

Women play with ten toes up,

And men with ten toes down, down, down…

Twinkle Twinkle Little Hasher

Melody - Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star

Twinkle, twinkle little hasher,

Can’t you suck a little faster?

Down upon my meat so slow,

Like a whale about to blow,

Twinkle, twinkle, little hasher,

Can’t you suck a little faster?

U-G-L-Y

Melody - Chant

Face down, ass up

That’s the way we like to fuck

Your momma! Your momma! Your momma says you’re ugly!

U-G-L-Y

You ain’t got no alibi

You’re ugly, you’re ugly, yeah, yeah, you’re ugly

D-A-D-D-Y

You don’t even know that guy

Your daddy, your daddy, your daddy says you’re ugly

U-N-C-L-E

That’s who your real daddy be

Your uncle, your uncle, your uncle says you’re ugly

C-O-U-S-I-N

That is who you’re marry’n

Your cousin, your cousin, your cousin says you’re ugly

I-N-B-R-E-D

That is what your kids will be

They’re inbred, they’re inbred, your kids all say you’re ugly

C-U-T-E

You wish you were cute like me

I’m cute, I’m cute, you know it that I’m cute

Y-L-G-U

You are ugly backwards too

You’re ugly, you’re ugly, holy shit you’re ugly

Walking Down Canal Street

Melody - ???

Walking down Canal Street,

Knocking on every door,

Goddamn sonofabitch,

I couldn't find a whore.

When I finally found a whore,

She was tall and thin,

Goddamn sonofabitch,

I couldn't get it in.

When I finally got it in,

I turned it all about,

Goddamn sonofabitch,

I couldn't get it out.

When I finally got it out,

It was all red and sore,

Goddamn sonofabitch,

Don't fuck Chambana whores!

We've Got Virgins

Melody - Frere Jacques

We've got virgins,

At our hash, (Hash!)

Gonna get 'em drunked up,

Gonna get 'em fucked up,

Down the hatch,

Up the ass!

What a Wank

Melody - William Tell Overture (Lone Ranger Theme)The single most fitting song to sing to Lone Wanker when he finds himself doing a down-down.

What a wank, what a wank, what a wank, wank, wank,

What a wank, what a wank, what a wank, wank,wank,

What a wank, what a wank, what a wank, wank, wank,

What a wank! What a wank, wank, wank.

Variations:

Get a life; What a fuck; What a blonde; What a drunk.

Why are We Waiting

Melody - Come Let Us Adore HimSung to hashers who are taking too long to finish their down-down.

Why are we waiting,

Could be masturbating [fornicating],

Oh, why are we waiting,

So fucking long…

Whip it Out at the Ball Game

Melody - Take Me Out to the Ball Game

Whip it out at the ball game,

Wave it round at the crowd,

Dip it in peanuts and Crackerjacks,

I don’t care if you give it a whack,

'Cause it's beat your meat at the ball game,

If you don’t cum it’s a shame,

'Cause it’s one, two,

You’re covered in goo,

At the old ball game!

Yank My Doodle

Melody - Yankee DoodleCredit - Heard at Denver H3

Yank my doodle if you please, that bulge is not a pony.

Just stick your finger up my ass, and call it macaroni.

Yank my doodle if you please, clearly it's a dandy.

Just jerk that Turk until it squirts, and keep a Kleenex handy.

You're Number One

Melody - Itself

You’re not number four,

Number three, number two,

You’re number one! {middle finger}

Hold up corresponding number of fingers throughout. On one, flip off the accused.

You're Stupid

Melody - Chant

You're stupid, you're stupid,

You're really fucking dumb!

If it wasn't for your mother,

You'd be a stain of cum!

(If it wasn't for your father, you'd be a stain of blood!)

Your Mother is a Monkey

Melody - If You're Happy and You Know ItCredit - Dick Jacker

Your mother is a monkey and I fucked her *clap clap*

Your mother is a monkey

And a great big jizm junky

Your mother is a monkey and I fucked her

Your Mother's Used Dildo

Melody - Addam's Family ThemeCredit - Dick Jacker

It’s rusty and metallic

It’s equine and it’s phallic

It smells like old crab-salad

Your mother’s used dildo!

LONG SONGS

The following songs are meant to go on for a while, with hashers taking turns contributing each new verse.

And the Hairs! (Mayor of Bayswater's Daughter)

Melody - The Ash GroveWe usually just skip this first bit and skip to “and the hairs” to call the hairs into Circle. Do 2 verses at a time before switching back to the chorus if you’re in a hurry.

The Mayor of Bayswater,

He has a lovely daughter,

And the hairs on her dickie-die-doe,

Hang down to her knees.

CHORUS:

Leader: And the hairs!

Pack: And the hairs!

Leader: And the hairs!

Pack: And the hairs!

And the hairs on her dicky-die-doe,

Hang down to her knees.

One black one, one white one,

And one with a bit of shite on,

And one with a little light on,

To show us the way.

OTHER VERSES:

You'd need a wood chipper,

To get ‘em out of her zipper.

It's mangled it's tangled,

Her first born was strangled.

She calls it a landing strip,

Looks more like a battleship.

From her clit to her asshole,

It's just one big shadow.

I've smelt it, I've felt it,

It's just like a bit of velvet.

I could not believe my eyes,

When I peered down between her thighs.

It looks like a straw broom,

Is bursting from her womb.

According to her dad,

It’s like fucking a Brillo pad.

I she were my daughter,

I'd have her cut them shorter.

I've seen it, I've seen it,

I've lain right in between it.

I stroked 'em and poked 'em,

I rolled 'em and smoked 'em.

You'd need a coal miner,

To find her vagina.

I had to use GPS,

To locate her clitoris.

I bushwhacked a forest,

To find her clitoris.

I went down on her gash,

And came up with a mustache.

She went to the Rose Bowl,

To quickly fill her holes.

The smell of her clam,

It reminds me of Kam's.

She lives on the mountain,

and pees like a bloody fountain.

She says she is not a whore,

But she bangs like a shithouse door.

She married an Italian,

Who’s hung like a fucking stallion.

She divorced the Italian,

And married the stallion.

Got my hand stuck in her gap,

It's like a Chinese finger trap.

In a Mohawk I styled it,

But her father defiled it.

I rolled her lips back,

And pulled out a six pack.

I drank up the six pack,

And shoved all the empties back.

It took 20 firemen,

To bust through her hymen.

Her jelly is smelly,

And all over my belly.

The aroma it lingers,

It smells like fish fingers.

She sat on the waterfront,

With the waves lapping up and down her cunt.

I've licked it and kissed it,

It tastes like beef brisket.

Her vagina was squishy,

And smelled a bit fishy.

She went with a Hash House Harrier,

Who fucked her but wouldn't marry her.

Chicago

Melody - The Bear Went Over the Mountain

CHORUS:

I used to work in Chicago,

In a department store,

I used to work in Chicago,

I don't work there anymore.

Example Verse:

A lady came in for some nails,

(Some nails from the store!?)

Nails she wanted,

Screwed she got (Ohhh!),

I don't work there anymore.

VERSES:

A lady came in for some stockings,

Stockings she wanted, a hosing she got

A lady came in for some carpet,

Carpet she wanted, laid she got

A man came in for a balloon,

Balloon he wanted, blown he got

A lady came in for some wool,

Wool she wanted, felt she got

A lady came in for metaphysical conversation,

Metaphysical conversation she wanted, fucked she got

A man came in for a lollipop,

A sucker he wanted, sucked he got

A lady came in for drain cleaner,

Drano she wanted, clean pipes she got

A lady came in for a pony,

Horse she wanted, ridden she got

A man came in for some wheels,

Wheels he wanted, rimmed he got

A woman came in for a doughnut,

Glazed she wanted, creme-filled she got

A lady came in for a throw rug,

Rug she wanted, rug-burned she got

A lady came in for a watchspring,

A watchspring she wanted, boinged she got

A lady came in for a T-bone,

T-bone she wanted, boneless round she got

A lady came in for toy sailors,

Toy sailors she wanted, semen she got

A lady came in for a canned ham,

Armour she wanted, porked she got

A woman came in for gift wrapping,

Wrapping she wanted, a stuffing she got

A lady came in for a hammer,

Claw she wanted, ball-peen she got

A lady came in for a beefsteak,

Chuck she wanted, fucked she got

A lady came in for a novel,

Dickens she wanted, dick she got

A lady came in for cigarettes,

Camels she wanted, humped she got

A lady came in for an iron,

Steam she wanted, reamed she got

A widow came in for some sympathy,

Sympathy she wanted, syphilis she got,

A lady came in for assistance,

Help she wanted, AIDS she got

Jesus Can't Go Hashing

Melody - Battle Hymn of the Republic

Jesus can't go hashing ‘cause he's nailed upon the cross,

Jesus saves, Jesus saves, Jesus saves!

CHORUS:

Free beer for all the hashers,

Jesus saves, Jesus saves, Jesus saves!

ADDITIONAL VERSES:

Jesus can’t go hashing ‘cause he’s stuck behind a rock

Jesus can’t go hashing ‘cause he’s only got twelve friends

Jesus can’t go hashing ‘cause the shiggy’s on his head

Jesus can’t go hashing ‘cause his dad knows all the trails

Jesus can’t go hashing ‘cause his wife is such a whore

Jesus can’t go hashing ‘cause his wood is just too big

Jesus don't need flour ‘cause he lays the trail in blood

Don't give your beer to Jesus ‘cause he'll turn it into wine

When Jesus is the hash chef, all we get is fish

Jesus can't go hashing ‘cause his feet are tied together

Jesus can't lay trail because the flour falls through his hands

The pack can't catch Jesus ‘cause he runs across the lake

The harriettes love Jesus ‘cause he's hung like this {hold arms apart}

Jesus can't go hashing 'cause he runs like this {hopping}

Jesus can't go hashing 'cause he's too busy getting nailed

Yogi Bear Song

Melody - Camptown Races

There is a bear in the deep dark woods,

Yogi, Yogi,

There is a bear in the deep dark woods,

Yogi, Yogi Bear.

CHORUS:

Yogi, Yogi Bear,

There is a bear in the deep dark woods,

Yogi, Yogi Bear.

VERSES:

Yogi has a little friend, Boo-Boo, Boo-Boo

Boo-Boo has a girlfriend bear, Cyndi, Cyndi

Yogi has a girlfriend bear, Suzi, Suzi

Cyndi doesn’t shave down there, Grizzly, Grizzly

Cyndi wears crotchless undies, Teddy, Teddy

Cyndi likes it on the ice, Polar, Polar

Cyndi’s nipples are rock hard, Polar, Polar

Cyndi gets what she deserves, Pregnant, Pregnant

Cyndi prefers to swallow, Care Bear, Care Bear

Yogi cannot get it up, Panda, Panda

Suzi likes it up the rear, Dirty, Dirty

Suzi's boyfriend has no teeth, Gummi, Gummi

Suzi she has great big tits, More than, More than (I can bear)

Cyndi's tampon has no string, Cotton, Cotton

Yogi didn't use a condom, Daddy, Daddy

Boo-Boo likes it upside down, Koala, Koala (Koala’s not a bear!)

Boo-Boo has a twelve-inch cock, Cucum... Cucum(ber)

Boo-Boo's only three feet tall, Yogi's a lucky bear

Boo-Boo likes it up the butt, Yogi's a lucky bear

Yogi didn't wipe his butt, Brown, Brown

Yogi got a case of crabs, Itchy, Itchy

Boo-Boo likes to stroke his tool, Wanker, Wanker

Song ender: This song's gone on way too long, More than, More than (I can bear)

MANY OTHER HASH SONGS

The "Half-Mind Hymnal" is a massive, and perhaps outdated, songbook you may wish to flip through if you're feeling horny and weird. We are not responsible for its contents.

Click here to view the Half-Mind Hymnal.